there is so much to say, so many thoughts running in my head but speech kinda fail me at the moment. so here's a shot. apologies if the following is nothing but incoherency.
since the creation of this journal, so many things have happened, and while I was never involved in anything major online, I have learned much just as well. I've met beautiful people in the different fandoms, I've fangirl-ed and fawned over artistes with fellow fans, I've beta-ed, I've supported a few friends by buying their arts, I try to help out however I can.
in some sense, I've grown emotionally and I'd like to think that I am more at peace with both life and the world now. I do get upset, I do get angry at the unfairness of life but they no longer consume me the way they used to. while it still doesn't take a lot to rile me up, I've taken to taking a step back and detaching myself from whatever it might escalate to be. it's odd but it works for me.
spiritually, there hasn't been much change, if any at all. it's probably all my fault. I didn't go out to seek answers nor did I do any research. I don't think I even did soul-searching. regardless, at this point in time, I'm quite contented.
my sister asked me this question a few days back. "what is the greatest liberation that mankind could ever have? I think it's being a forgiving person."
I chose acceptance. if you cannot come to terms with it yourself, how are you supposed to do anything? how do you forgive if you cannot accept the apology for which you were wronged?
if anyone had asked me that question 3, 4 years back, I would have... okay, I have no idea what I would've answered but I don't think it would be anything close to acceptance; and I think it's high time that the novella end. I'm not gonna move elsewhere. I'm just gonna clean the slate and start anew: maybe a new layout, tags, stuff.
I'll be pursuing a Bachelor of Business (Management) under RMIT and for once, I know I've made a perfect decision; and this time, no more fooling around. I'm gonna sit down and work my guts off. I owe myself this much.